Calm to my Chaos |
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Thursday, January 29, 2004
People will know when they see this show The kind of a guy I am They'll recognize just what I stand for and what I just can't stand They'll perceive what I believe in And what I know is true And they'll recognize I'm a one man guy Always was through and through People meditate Hey that's just great Trying to find the inner you People depend on family and friend And other folks to pull them through I don't know why I'm a one man guy Or why I'm a one man show But these three cubic feet of bone and blood and meat are all I love and know 'Cause I'm a one man guy in the morning Same in the afternoon One man guy when the sun goes down I whistle me a one man tune One man guy a one man guy Only kind of guy to be I'm a one man guy I'm a one man guy I'm a one man guy is me I'm gonna bathe and shave And dress myself and eat solo every night Unplug the phone, sleep alone Stay away out of sight Sure it's kind of lonely Yeah it's sort of sick Being your own one and only Is a dirty selfish trick 'Cause I'm a one man guy in the morning Same in the afternoon One man guy when the sun goes down I whistle me a one man tune One man guy a one man guy Only kind of guy to be I'm a one man guy I'm a one man guy I'm a one man guy is me - Rufus Wainwright Tuesday, January 27, 2004
Get Your Bellybutton Off My Brake Pedal A 412-pound truck driver who said he was fired because he could not fit behind the wheel of a delivery truck has received an apology and a bigger rig from his employer. Walter Geter, 49, also received back pay from USF Holland Inc. to cover wages since his firing Jan. 15. "They were so apologetic, told me it was a mistake and told me this would never happen again," Geter said Wednesday, after his union undoubtedly raised hell and threatened a small mountain of lawsuits and you sit there and are sort of split about the whole thing, saying of course no way should a company discriminate against the guy just because he weighs as much as a New Beetle and can barely move and looks as if he swallowed a volleyball team made up entirely of Oompa Loompas, but then again, Jesus with a corn dog fetish, where do you draw the line, really, and how far do you have to go as a company to accommodate every self-abuse and drug addiction and morbid obesity issue before you say, uh, you know, maybe you should try some Slim Fast, Walt, and we might have to let you go because you keep blowing out the tires in the truck, which is mean and un-PC but I mean, come now, 412 pounds? "No no no no no, don't make me think about this anymore!" cried a number of numbed readers, hands over their ears, even though these are written words. "You are so mean!" Sunday, January 25, 2004
The Golden Globes in three bullet points... + Angels In America cleaned house. + Sharon Stone looked like a drag queen. + And go away, Renee. Tonight, I'm going to dream of being in a Mary-Louise Parker / Josh Duhamel sandwich.... 
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