Calm to my Chaos |
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Thursday, May 22, 2003
Some great passages from Take the Cannoli by Sarah Vowell: "Like a lot of once devout people who have lost religion, I had holes the size of heaven and hell in my head and my heart...I had slowly but surely replaced the old-fashioned exclamation points of hallelujahs with the question marks of modern life." "We were well-suited to the point of boredom...We didn't argue, which meant we didn't flirt." "I was a good daughter, a good sister, a good girlfriend, a good student, a good citizen, a responsible employee. I was also antsy, resentful, overworked and hemmed in." "I swing between the giddiness of my newfound solitude and the loneliness of same." Monday, May 19, 2003
Mark Morford comes through again. God Bless The Nubile 19-Year-Old Intern President John F. Kennedy had an affair with a 19-year-old intern who traveled with him on official trips, according to a new biography. "She had no skills. She could answer the phone," Robert Dallek, author of "An Unfinished Life," told "Dateline NBC". "Apparently, her only skill was to provide sexual release for JFK on those trips and maybe in the White House." Dallek learned of the affair from a White House aide, Barbara Gamarekian, whose oral history was recently unsealed. President Bush, who obtains sexual release from dry humping a mangy taxidermied colt named Binkers while snorting premium Peruvian blow through the hollow case of an ExxonMobile ballpoint pen, was visibly appalled and shaken at the news, unless that was just the lithium and Demerol, as was Dick Cheney, whose idea of sexual release is, of course, a dozen gin/Viagra Martinis and cranking the defibrillator on 10 and having Lynney stuff used nylons into every orifice and then coating his body with liver-flavored kibble and letting a swarm of rabid Chihuahuas in heat run all over his mounds of milky white cottage cheese while Lynney jumps on a trampoline and does a sloppy heavily Paxiled strip-tease and belts out 'Hit Me Baby One More Time' through a megaphone. 
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